|
Abuse & Sexual Assault
Domestic violence occurs in all cultures and is enacted by people of all races, ethnicities, religions and social classes. Acts of violence are perpetrated by, and on, both men and women, and occur in same-sex and opposite-sex relationships.
Power, control and domination reside at the core of an abusive relationship, instead of equality, respect and love, which form the nucleus of healthy, nurturing relationships.
Abuse in a relationship can take many forms, including physical and sexual or assaults, verbal and emotional attacks, financial exploitation, destruction of property and harming of pets. The perpetrator uses these tactics to establish and maintain power and control through fear and intimidation.
Abuse can come through controlling behaviour (being told how you should act, who you should see, what you should wear, when to be home), invasion of privacy (listening to your phone calls, reading your diary, going through your purse), attempts to make you dependent (controlling the money, telling you that you are stupid, or unemployable, that no one else will love you), attempts to isolate you (being rude to your friends so they stop visiting you, not wanting you to go out, withholding messages), intimidation (pressuring you to have sex when you don't want to, threatening to get sex elsewhere, making negative references to women), physical force (pushing, slapping, or punching you, holding you down or blocking you from leaving, throwing things). Many say that the emotional abuse they have suffered has left the deepest scars.
You need to know that spousal assault is a crime. If you are being abused, and need immediate assistance, call 911. You can access information, emotional support or help with a safety plan by calling the Victoria Women's Transition House Crisis Line ((250) 385-6611), or the Need Crisis and Information 24 Hour Line ((250) 386-6323. Reach out to family or friends. No one deserves to be abused.
Counselling for Victims
The responsibility for abuse rests solely with the perpetrator. As a counsellor, I can help you sort through your experiences and work with you to develop options. You may decide to leave. Or, you may decide to stay in an abusive relationship, and have good reasons to do so (children, religious beliefs, finances, housing, employment). With counselling you can still empower yourself in the process.
Counselling for perpetrators
If you have used violence in a relationship, I will extend an invitation for you to acknowledge the seriousness of your behaviour and the impact it has on others, to take responsibility for your actions, to summon the courage to stop enacting violence, and explore how you might build a relationship based on equality, with respect, fairness, honesty and economic partnership. As a counsellor, I will always come from a place of respect for you as a person.
Sexual AssaultSexual assault is any form of sexual contact or activity that occurs without your consent; it is not limited to rape (forced sexual intercourse.) If you have been kissed, fondled, or had sexual intercourse without your consent, you have been sexually assaulted. It can happen to both women and men. It is not your fault.
Sexual assault can cause physical injury, but perhaps more injurious is the psychological anguish that can result. It is an invasion of the person. The feelings of anger, guilt, betrayal, and humiliation felt by the survivors are difficult to comprehend by anyone who has not been sexually assaulted.
Sexual assault by an acquaintance is the most common form and often goes unreported because the victim may not perceive it as real sexual assault. Even so, it can be devastating. It can lead to a loss of trust in others or oneself, to a fear of relationships, and to doubting one's self-worth and view of the world.
If you have been sexually assaulted, tell someone you trust immediately. Call the Women's Sexual Assault Centre (383-3232) 24-hour crisis line and / or 911. If you have been raped, get medical help. Don't change your clothes, wash, or bathe, before going to the hospital. Every piece of evidence will be needed to identify the assailant.
Counselling for victims of sexual assault creates space for processing the experience and the emotional impact on you. This includes specific behavioral, emotional, cognitive and physical consequences of the sexual trauma on your present life situation. Past and present responses to adversity will be explored with the goal of building capacity and honouring and detailing your strengths in the context of challenge. Counselling will take into account the wider social, cultural and economic structures that we live within that promote powerlessness and re-victimization.
|
